


Too Long, So Long

by Tarlan



Category: E.R.
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-10-19
Updated: 2006-10-19
Packaged: 2017-10-20 18:04:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,078
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/215621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He felt a hundred old, haggard and worn to a husk of his former self.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Too Long, So Long

**Author's Note:**

> Tag to Episode 8.04 Never Say Never

Schudy was Carol's maiden name so it seemed the right choice for the subterfuge they were about to pull because at least Carol still had some old documents in that name should anyone ask. No one asked. The doctors and nurses were more concerned with the sick child that whimpered and writhed in pain than in checking their fake credentials and insurance policy. Stoically, Frank bore the disapproving glances thrown their way. To the doctors it appeared that they had waited three days before bringing Kenny into the hospital but they'd had little choice this time. Originally, they had gone to Mercy Hospital, seeking the geneticist who was supposedly in charge of Kenny's health but, not surprisingly, he was unavailable now that the money had run out. The insurance company had refused to continue paying out, quoting figures and facts that basically said, _Kenny had lived too long_.

Frank swallowed hard, wondering how anyone could put a price on a child's life but, in some small way, he could understand their reasoning. Most Trisomy 18 babies did not survive past their first birthday. The genetic defects affecting their hearts, brain and digestive tract usually took their small lives early but Kenny was special. He had survived one operation after another, clinging to life tenaciously, but each time he pulled through, the insurance company became a little colder until, finally, they froze them out completely.

Perhaps they were right though. Perhaps their dedication to Kenny, and the constant care and attention they gave to their sick child had been misplaced. Perhaps they had been too dedicated, too caring and too attentive. They had condemned Kenny to a life of constant pain, convincing them that their love for him was enough to justify the misery and exhaustion of the past six years. They had given up everything to care for him; a promising career, a beautiful home, and all the little luxuries and trappings like holidays and a decent car. They had spent the past six years taking it in turns to nurse Kenny, rarely gaining the opportunity to eat together except when Kenny was in the hospital and Frank had long forgotten what it was like to sleep in the same bed together. He couldn't recall the last time they had made love but he knew they had not touched intimately since before Kenny was born. They barely even talked now; too tired and disillusioned with their life to have the energy to salvage their relationship.

While they waited for the doctor, Frank cast the occasional glance at Carol, wishing he knew what she was thinking but her face held the same blank stare that reflected back from the mirror when he looked into his own eyes these days. Neither of them was surprised when Dr. Corday informed them that Kenny needed another operation and Frank almost balked when she pushed the consent form into his hands. Part of him wanted to refuse but he and Carol had made an agreement before making their way over to this hospital. They would let the doctors help Kenny this last time because they did not plan to be around for any subsequent surgeries.

Memories of the journey over here swam through his head, recalling how he had caught Carol's eyes in the rearview mirror as she cradled Kenny in her arms in the backseat, holding his head as he vomited. Tears glittered in her dulled eyes, the black circles of fatigue even more pronounced after the past three days. He knew he looked no better because this was the end of their dreams of a happy-ever-after. He was not the same man who joyfully made his marriage vows and looked upon the birth of his first child with such elation. He felt as if he had aged a hundred years in the past six. He felt old and haggard, tired and worn out, and Carol looked no different.

It took all of Frank's courage to walk away, barely touching Carol as they stepped outside the hospital without looking back. A glance showed her mouth drawn into a grim line of anguish and determination. She settled into the passenger seat in silence, staring straight ahead, barely blinking as he pulled away and joined the flow of traffic heading out of Chicago.

A few hours later, Frank pulled over at a train station and they sat motionless for several minutes until Carol opened her door and got out of their rusty excuse for a car. Frank moved quickly, meeting her at the back of the car and helping her lift out her heavy suitcase. He carried it inside the station and counted out the last of his dollars in payment for a single, one way ticket to Boston. They stood together on the platform in awkward silence.

"Where you going to go?" Carol asked quietly.

"Back to Canada. See if I can find work."

She nodded and then turned away, knowing they had nothing left to say to each other. The years with Kenny had drained them both leaving husks of their former selves behind. He pressed a small kiss against her cheek and then watched as she walked away, out of his life. Frank returned to the car and sat motionless for a long time, waiting for the train to pull away from the station, and then waiting a little longer in case Carol had changed her mind, secretly glad when he realized the platform was empty.

A large part of his life was over now and all he had to show for the long years was this rusty wreck of a car and the tank full of petrol that probably would not get him that much farther. He gunned the engine and pulled away, knowing the Canadian border was not too distant now. Once he had crossed over, he planned to contact a distant cousin who had promised him the use of his couch until Frank could get back on his feet.

He felt his heart lighten with each passing mile, the heavy weight of responsibility falling away even though the guilt remained a burden and would for some time to come. The sun was rising as he reached the border, the first shafts of a new day offering hope for an even better tomorrow.

Frank smiled as he handed over his passport. Finally, he felt like he was coming home after too long spent in a self-imposed exile.

THE END


End file.
